The vast majority of us are never taught much about what our emotions are or how to deal with them. Yet, most people would attest to the fact emotions can, and often do, impact on virtually every aspect of our lives. Guiding and even dictating our stream of thoughts, behaviors, and words is an underlying riverbed of feelings and emotional states.

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However, for a surprising amount of people, emotions are considered a somewhat taboo subject. Many are taught to avoid sharing their feelings with others from a young age, while some may just actively avoid dealing with negative emotions altogether. As you can imagine, neither of their plans is particularly sustainable; or helpful for that matter.

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The reality is, developing a healthy approach to our feelings is a vital skill that many never master. One thing is clear; the traditional approach to emotions is not working. 

If we wish to grow into the best versions of ourselves possible, we must put in the time and effort to fundamentally change the way we process our feelings, and in turn, our thoughts—an emotional approach to our emotions. 

 

What Are Emotions/Feelings? 

The first thing we must do to relearn our approach to emotions is understand what they are. One thing making them so mysterious to many is the fact they're intangible and unseen. Simply put, we don't fully understand our emotions or where they come from most of the time.

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Emotions are like the wind. You can't see them, yet, when they become overpowering, their destruction can be quite visible. That said, the goal should never be to avoidance. Emotions exist! You cannot simply try to avoid unwanted ones to solve your problem. 

Far too many people are so uncomfortable with their emotions; they even try to escape with the help of various unhealthy distractions. However, there are many reasons why it's crucial to build a deeper understanding of our emotions.

 

Why Is It Important To Understand Our Emotions?

Most people will, understandably, have no trouble going through life using the terms feelings and emotions interchangeably. That said, I think it's important to note the differences, or rather the vital relationship between them.

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Acute feelings tend to cause emotional states. Our feelings play a vitally important role in life as signals and guides to our inner-self. They play a massive role in dictating our emotional state, but they are nothing more than a guide. 

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Emotions, on the other hand, fall into two distinct categories, empowering and disempowering. We're naturally attracted to empowering emotions and, as such, the actions that lead to them. Empowering emotions such as joy usually has us giving off positive energy without even making an effort. This sort of mindset not only empowers us but the people around us too.

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Alternatively, whenever we experience a disempowering emotion, there is always a distinct possibility we will react in a way that doesn't reflect what we view as our "best self." When this happens, it increases the risk of not only hurting ourselves but those around us as well. Sadly, this is precisely what most people have been taught to do when they experience the perfectly normal range of disempowering emotions. 

We may find ourselves using various coping mechanisms to avoid the issue, arguing with others over trivial topics, being dismissive, or any other number of unhealthy behaviors. However, much of this issue could be mitigated by rethinking the traditional approach to learning about our emotions.

 

The Traditional Approach To Learning About Our Emotions

The vast majority of us were taught how to process our emotions by seeing how our role models did it. This is an inherently flawed system for a few key reasons. First of all, the process taught by our role models can be flawed itself. After all, if our role models never took the time to analyze their approach, there's a solid chance they're just passing on a faulty process from generation to generation. 

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For others, talking about or displaying your emotions is simply considered weak. When these people end up being the role model for someone else, they pass on this incredibly misguided mindset without anyone ever examining whether it's a healthy approach or not. By doing so, we're creating generations of people who don't know how to feel their feelings in a healthy way, and many of them don't even know it!

So if you've decided you want to grow, what's important is learning how to begin removing any judgment about what's right/wrong, black/white, or good/bad about your given emotional state. You simply must accept that they exist and understand the true key is learning to sit with each emotion you experience. 

 

The Emotional Approach To Dealing With Our Emotions

Instead of taking the same old traditional approach, we can choose instead to take the emotional approach to dealing with our emotions. Creating a plan for those feelings you experience most is the best way to start.

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Take an inventory of the top ten emotions you experience and break them down into the organically empowering and inorganically disempowering categories. You should take some time and analyze the who, what, where, and when you're experiencing these emotional states. The stronger the relationship you build with your emotions, the more natural it will become to express them in a healthy manner when they come up.

 

Empowering Emotions

Think about the people, places, and things that naturally cause you to experience empowering emotions. Once you have them in mind, think of all the opportunities you have to engage with those people, spend time in those places, and do those things.

Aside from being an obviously enjoyable experience, these emotions require very little management to provide a positive impact for not only you but those around you as well. That said, we cannot simply do whatever we want all the time. 

It's vitally important we still practice diligence and common sense to avoid any obviously problematic situations. For example, if you've had too much to drink, you cannot drive a car just because you want the good times to continue.

 

Disempowering Emotions

It's very important to remember that emotions are not good or bad. They just exist, and should not be judged by you, or anyone else for that matter. That said, learning how to manage your reaction to emotions is a vitally important thing for all adults to do. It's the best way to ensure your response to negative news won't conceivably lead you to harm yourself or others. 

Universal disempowering emotions, such as anger, sadness, disappointment, frustration, worry, and fear, can all be beneficial if you learn to relate to them in the right way. Alternatively, when we never learn how to deal with them, these emotions can cause us to act in a way that goes entirely against our "best self."

 

Once you start learning how to identify and relate to the most impactful emotions in your life, you can begin to make some notable changes. Use that newfound knowledge better to understand not only yourself, but those around you.

 

The Emotional Self

It's extremely important for each of us to build an intimate relationship with our emotional self. Having a deep understanding and respect for our different emotions can be a significant key to improving life.

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Start by taking an inventory of everything you feel. Pay attention too, and note anything that impacts your daily life. Identify your various emotions and begin the process of removing any judgment of them. Whatever it is that you feel, own it and accept it. All of your feelings are normal and provide honest information. 

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Ask yourself how you respond to these various emotions, and how would your best self respond? You must then develop a game plan for executing your best response when a particular emotion rears its head. Don't focus on the emotion itself; focus on your plan. That means avoiding any unnecessary criticism, judgment, blame, or excuses. 

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If you commit to the process, the amount of time it takes to process a given emotional state will naturally decrease. Like anything else, the more you practice, the better you'll become. Once you begin to master your emotional self, a bonus is it becomes much easier to respect the emotions of others.

 

Emotions of Others

Whenever dealing with another person, there is one fundamental truth to always keep in mind. You can't know exactly what people are going through. All you can do is be respectful and interested in their experience. 

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This can be difficult for many people to understand, especially empathic ones. Not everyone can be understood or needs to be. 

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Just consider the fact someone's view of who you are and how you behave is largely based on what feelings and values you trigger within them. As such, what we feel about others is also subject to this same truth. What we conclude often says a lot more about us than it does them.

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Truth is, what we feel on the inside is rarely translated clearly on the outside. This is partially because many people are taught to avoid being transparent about what we're feeling.

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But it's also largely because many of us don't understand our own feelings, let alone the feelings of others. We'll always be missing key pieces of context. That's why the best thing we can do for others is just be willing to listen.

 

Conclusion

Relearning our entire approach to emotions is no small task. For each one of us, it will require a decent amount of trial and error before ever moving distinctly forward. However, inner-peace and understanding are worth their weight in gold.

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We must first be willing to analyze the context of our most common emotions. Who are we with, where are we, and what are we doing? These sorts of questions provide valuable insight into what truly matters to us.

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You must also be able to accept that disempowering emotions are a simple fact of life, and trying to avoid them will only make things worse. If you cannot sit with each of your emotions, you're only creating more pain and suffering. 

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Life is inevitably punctuated with various unpleasant feelings – loss, sadness, fatigue, boredom, and anxiety – appear and reappear in life. Do not fear or seek escape – learn to recognize and relate to each one. Seeking avoidance over understanding is a great way to stunt your personal growth. If you want to grow, you must face your various emotional states, even the disempowering ones.

 

What are some of the common empowering and disempowering emotions that you experience? Do you think avoiding disempowering emotions is a negative thing? How do you usually cope with disempowering emotions? We would love to hear from you in the comments below, be sure to like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter!